Half a century and counting

Ha ha ha ha, no. We do have savings so at least some cushion but I took years off when my kids were born, got a late start in college, started a career later, I would say I got the time when I needed it I guess. But not likely to have enough to take time off paid work again at the end.

Most people don’t get to decide, they get disabled or laid off & cannot find work and are forced into retirement. I’m in good shape and work in an office so probably can keep going as long as jobs last for me, and our life will be better if we keep working.

No, no, and yes.

No, you is the singular; y’all is the plural.

All y’all works because you might say “All of you all”, I suppose.

We have plenty of trans people here, and one of the bigger LBGT communities. Obviously we also have rednecks in the boonies, like the rest of the country but plenty of openly queer people here, and a big scene.

Now, if you are boycotting because of the tone at the top, that makes sense, I support you. But you don’t need to worry about visiting if you want to, it’s safe in the cities.

Depends whether you want to just relax in the warm bathtub of the Gulf of Mexico, or be freezing in the water of the Pacific with its dramatic and beautiful waves.

When my kids were younger, before we had money, we had a “tree” each year that I’d put up after they went to bed. Always something different. One year lights in the coat rack, one year construction paper on the wall, one year my ex cut the top off one of the bushes outside and we sort of carved it into the cone shape, once an inflatable beach ball sort of tree, all sorts of different things but it was never an actual Christmas tree.

That stuff all sounds nice, I would just say to make sure you don’t burn yourself out or keep others from reciprocating your kindness.

I’m not that nice, though we do sometimes let homeless people stay, always have because we know some, I am happier when the workload at home is balanced between us, wouldn’t intervene in a fight because that’s too dangerous.

So I think if you are doing things to be selfless, like at the expense of yourself, watch out. As I noted in my original reply, you need to take care of yourself too, giving too much doesn’t work out better for anyone. You are a person too, just like the people you are trying to help.

I think it’s pretty normal to hold yourself to a standard you don’t impose on others, and I do think it’s somewhat problematic, like perfectionism is. If you get mad at yourself for messing up and not being inhumanly perfect then yeah that’s not good. You are a person too, and should give yourself consideration.

If you just mean you try to think before you act and consider how your words and actions affect others, I would hope everyone does that!

For Halloween, yes. We actually have a contest at work, we get it spooky, and at home I decorate the front porch. Love Halloween.

For Christmas I barely decorate at work, at home we get outside lights and inside a tree, not really anything else.

I don’t think it matters (decorating specifically for holidays) but if I lived alone I’d want to decorate for me, so it would probably be sort of Halloween every day. That’s kind of how my work cube is, have a toy rat and crows out all the time but at Christmas I give them little Santa hats.

Confident, Cocky, Lazy, Dead.

The serial killer in the Tad Williams books, but it makes sense to me.

Most likely it’s the crow whistle and gaming dice.

Never know when you may need a crow, or to roll for something, and they don’t take up much space in my purse.

We kept our democratic congresswoman, and the tax to help the schools passed.

I just want to say that it’s not frivolous or silly to need sex with your partner, you are not wrong to be distressed. It’s a natural and normal thing to need in a romantic relationship.

Can’t see the list but basing this on the comments - I have been enjoying the new Hard Quartet album and think you might like. Rock and roll, more or less.

Janelle Monae, any of the first 3 albums in particular, but all of hers flow well.

Run the Jewels, if they aren’t already in your list. Second album, but again, any.

Absolutely love the new Fontaines DC album.

Preacher, it’s on Netflix now. So good.

Warrior, also I think on Netflix now.

Andor was crazy good too, and Scavenger’s Reign.

Not sure about unrecognized, but those are great.

Hmm, yes if she does not masturbate I honestly think she might just not be that much into the physical pleasure, you may have to just take what you can get - even though you would be frustrated, she may not be. It’s hard for me to imagine, too! But if she enjoys the closeness and seeing you get off, your expectations may be getting in the way.

Even if she gets frustrated, she will probably have to figure out herself what works. It’s really good she is not faking, don’t push her to the point she feels like that’s the answer.

ETA: tight angle with her legs up if she is flexible, or kind of sideways so one of your legs is against her vulva (look up coital alignment technique) those positions with some amount of outside contact like that are very intense dual stimulation, and if you are yourself angled upward the tight angle with legs up will also hit those front areas inside where the nerves from the clitoris run upward.

What does she do when she is doing herself? And is she getting orgasm that way, and is she getting it with you in any way?

If she can do direct clitoral stimulation for herself, it’s possible you are just too rough, a lot of guys are. But also possible that she’s just wired so that direct contact is unpleasant.

It’s hard to recommend without more information but I would suggest a tight angle face to face, that she might be able to sort of grind on you while fucking, to get some vulva stimulation and the inside feeling, that might push her over. Also maybe try playing with her boobs while she’s on top.

Mostly I think you are on the right track with the mental angle - engaging the mind, find out what she thinks about and use that, give up your ideas about every woman being wired the same.

And Do Not Push her. Really listen to what she wants.

I do think some (maybe most) of it is luck/brain chemistry, I feel happy a lot as I get older. Part is just that deep appreciation I feel when I wake up and realize that instead of school I will go to a job that pays me. Having kids was stressful but absolutely did increase my enjoyment in life, my desire to live, if that makes sense. More good than bad by a large margin.

Good news is if you are 40-50 you are getting to that age too - news articles say it’s like we sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor but I think bullshit because I can’t slow down yet and still feel it, it has to be changing brain chemistry and perspective - happiness comes easier now and also fewer things irritate me, youth is an irritable time.

And I guess finally, I really do think luck plays a big part - not in outward circumstances (though obviously luck is very important there too, circumstances don’t guarantee happiness) more in the ability to feel certain things. So my actual advice is to adjust perspective if you can, be grateful for the things you can, get physically active to the extent you can and take time to do pleasurable things because even if you are not wired to feel that rush of “happy” you may still be able to feel content and thankful and good.

Don’t worry. I am built pretty straight up and down and nothing fits me either. I think that people with good fitting clothes are probably getting them tailored.

Could you wear a well fitted sports bra instead? Can you handle Merino wool fabric? The Branwyn Busty soft bra is so very nice and temperature regulating, I can wear it doing yardwork. Any other wool I absolutely cannot stand but the soft Merino knits can be very soothing feeling and they stay dry.