• 0 Posts
  • 26 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: August 6th, 2023
  • tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•What was something you learned too late in life?
    2·
    24 days ago

    Heh, thanks! No but my girlfriend hates that I don’t. I grew up reading books that my other (not crappy) older brother did and his influence greatly impacted my interest in science and language.

    One brother is a psychopath, the other is literally the type of scientist that is changing the world. I’ve considered trying at writing some once I finish cleaning up my life from the people I’ve had to excise.

    For what it’s worth, I just have spent my life having to constantly revise how I communicate and sometimes it helps. Usually it just annoys people if they aren’t really interested.

  • tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•What was something you learned too late in life?
    7·
    25 days ago

    That’s a bit different, and as it should be, but then it’s likely clearer to just directly state the intent to protect the future generation.

    “Family first” in my experience has always referred to the lateral or upstream bloodline. Deadbeat parents or lazy piece of crap siblings trying to justify grift or outright abuse.

    I’m an ideal world, the phrase wouldn’t exist and people would just be decent; parents would prioritize their children and siblings etc would just help each other. I wish this were the case, but as with many others I’ve instead come to trust and rely on found family instead of bloodline.

    And I’m forever in debt to my daughter. I will never expect her to put my life or needs before hers. My disgust at my own parents’ egotistical failings only magnified after personally experiencing becoming a parent.

    Family is a sorting category word though, so while there’s truth to kids first, the phrase regarding family first is very very often abused to try forcing the hand of broken ties between the aging parent wanting the child to instead provide regardless of whether it’s deserved or not. It’s frequently an excuse for abusive siblings who’ve continually taken advantage of their kin.

    Bluntly, relation is pure chance and does not immediately imply a debt with exception from “parents must care for their child” by social and biological need. I don’t owe my physically and mentally abusive parents or brother a damned thing except my disgust.

    People in general, not just kin, need to earn respect and community with each other. The bond of parent caring for child doesn’t immediately imply the child owes the parent for “bringing them into this world”, and instead implies a larger scope debt toward that child then being indebted to any children they subsequently bring into this life.

  • tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoLinux@lemmy.ml•To Linux admins: What certifications/degrees do you guys have?
    8·
    3 months ago

    “Choose interesting jobs”

    THIS! A MILLION TIMES THIS!

    The absolute best career choices I’ve made, in hindsight, were always from the interest in the work or quality of whom I was working with.

    Took jobs for less pay, even turning down much higher offers, to choose the gig that was in the area I wanted to expand in.

    Never accept just based on “it’s a few bucks more”. Unless it’s twice the pay AND you have something else to gain from the role, always grab the better experience or less stressful spot.

  • tenchiken@lemmy.dbzer0.comtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•Men in their 40s, what’s one piece of advice for men in their 20s?
    7·
    4 months ago

    Don’t let others control your life. If someone is only making you hurt, cut them off clean.

    This especially is for blood relations! Only scared old people say that shit about obeying your elders! If your family or immediate “friends” only use or abuse, get out fast!

    There’s always a place and tribe for you, don’t let assholes dictate who you are or “should be”.

    It took 30 years and most of my physical health to learn that one! Injured spine, nerve damage, financial issues … All from the group I grew up around being hideously toxic.

    I’ve been free of them for about 5 years now and am finally healing, both physically where I can and mentally. Financially too, just slower.

    I now have loving girlfriends, an amazing and healthy daughter, and I’ve been able to start reconnecting with the people that really clicked with me but were forced away by my family and their friends for being too different from them. I barely got a year and a half with my best friend I’d list touch with before he suddenly was diagnosed with and died from pancreatic cancer.

    Don’t waste your time on people who drain you with nothing to return! You and the people who improve you don’t have the time and energy to spare!