And if you’ve made strides in reversing that stigma, how have you done so?
I have ADHD, a trauma disorder and anxiety in a family of conservatives so let me lay out what that’s like: ADHD is seen as immaturity/laziness, men with anxiety are seen as weak/not masculine and trauma disorders you’re basically thought of as being a pussy. I deal with it by not associating with all but a couple of them that I determined were people I could trust.
I was diagnosed with all 3 when I was 32 in my last semester of college. So for 30 years I basically hated myself due to a lot of that stigma being internalized. I did not have to just fight the stigma from other people but my own self hatred.
Thanks for sharing.
I feel like my brother has been on similar shit with internalizing self hatred to the point where he has like a complete inability to see himself as a person. I keep trying to push him to go to therapy despite his constant refusal — can I ask, what happened for things to change for you / what caused you to get diagnosed? (you don’t have to go into detail of course)
I went to therapy because it felt like my life was crumbling and I felt hopeless. After a year of therapy my therapist told me to get assessed for ADHD and after a several month wait, I was formally diagnosed with primarily inattentive ADHD. I was reasonably intelligent as a kid (which helped mask it) and wasn’t hyperactive or disruptive so no one really cared to assess me for it.
Thanks again
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My family is very ignorant when it comes to dealing with my Autism. Family gatherings (which happen quite frequently) are super uncomfortable for me and nobody seems to get why, despite me explaining it over and over again. My older brother won’t even acknowledge me having Asperger’s, he just thinks I’m “being weird” on purpose.
despite me explaining it over and over again.
I keep telling myself it’s useless, they refuse to understand.
… then I keep trying … T_T … in vain (15+ years of trying)… but then I try again. I just want to feel understood. I long for the family connection they’ve told me is so important my whole life .
I have bent my words over backwards and reworded them in every way possible. I’ve used articles, videos, and infographics. I have made dozens of analogies and comparisons to their own lives. I have handed them literal scripts of things they could say. I’ve ve tried everything I’ve heard of so far to try and get my family to understand me. It very much feels like I am solidly in a box to them because I see them be understanding to others, to their own family, but never receive the same compassion.
I resonate with this quote:
“Once everyone sees you as a villain, that’s what you are. They only see you one way, no matter how hard you try.”- Nimona
I kinda just stopped trying, now I’m just doing whatever I can to get out of those situations. I don’t really care what they think about that any more.
I’ve tried to make things right for everyone around me all my life, it’s time I finally look after myself more.
Yeah, same. I’ve accepted I just don’t have a family 😪
Now it’s all me… mostly. I’m working on it 😌
I don’t know how much, if any of this, is due to mental illness.
I’ve been on depression medication for 7-8yrs and my grandma and uncles will outright dismiss any negative feelings I express at any given time, with a hand wave while saying word-for-word, “just don’t be sad,” or, “there’s other people out there worse off.”
Boy, I sure wish it was as simple as just not being that way. I don’t like being depressed all the time, and I would gladly just stop if that were possible, but other people’s suffering does not invalidate my own, in fact it directly contributes to my depression, as I believe that most of the suffering in the world could be minimized if more people weren’t so awful.
Not to mention the things they directly do that cause my depression. I’m the only one in my immediate family that is more of an “indoor person” than I am an “outdoor person.” My entire life, when they would check on me in my room, drawing, reading, or especially playing video games, the first question they’d ask is, “wouldn’t you rather be outside playing?” No, if I would rather be doing that, I would be doing that.
All of that was even before I grew up and realized that they’re effectively brainwashed political cult worshippers, but that’s a separate, off-topic issue.
Actually, bro. It’s just in your head. Just don’t think like that. And distract yourself.
No fella. I try distracting myself, but those thoughts are constantly fucking my petite virgin arsehole. So no. I can’t just distract myself.
Member of a family of progressives: there’s no stigma per se in my family about my autism, but sometimes I act different and they don’t understand and I can’t explain. That means sometimes ppl get angry / annoyed / confused / etc. because of something I can’t control, and sometimes they don’t understand why as well.
There’s never been a solution. I try explaining it but how do you explain what’s different between you and another person when it’s so native to you and you don’t have a comparison.
One of my cousins is on the autism spectrum and I am ADHD so we are in different neurological tribes than pretty much everyone else in the family. Neither one of us really connect with the rest of the family. It always felt like everyone else’s brain ran in a different language and that language was mutually unintelligible with mine. And my biological family is almost entirely composed of conservatives so there is A LOT of hostility toward anyone that is different.
One side of my family is super white and unintentionally very racist. To give an example, they don’t hate Native Americans (or anyone for that matter), but will causally refer to them as Indians and seem to think they go around wearing feathered masks in 2023.
My fiancee is Korean, and her English is so-so- which is probably for the best, because if she could understand the things my Grandfather randomly splurts out she would rightfully be quite offended.
But there’s no malice, only ignorance. My fiancee and I pick our battles and let it slide.
It’s unintentional the first times. Speak up and help them know better. If they keep doing it, ask again. If they keep doing it…
I’d be upset if my partners family was racist and insulting to people not like them. I’d be pretty frustrated that my partner lets it slide.
My friend, ongoing ignorance IS malice. I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but your family are just plain old racist.
(I say that as a person from a family full of very friendly, very racist people.)
They probably don’t know you find the terms they use offensive. If you’re clear with them, hopefully they would do better.
There are a number of things different parts of my family took a while to comprehend, from my sleep inconstiencies to my asexuality to my almost-perpetual emotional blankness. I’m not discriminated for these, just criticized, sometimes with assumptions taking a disastrous turn.
Absolutely. My father doesn’t speak to me. I don’t speak to him because I don’t see the point in making an effort for a bastard.
I don’t know about stigma, but the whole family is just vaguely dysfunctional. We can’t really spend any time together for more than a couple of hours before someone starts a fight, generally (but not always) on accident.
