I would like it to criticize me for needing to do it, at all.

For every you, there’s a woman who feels compelled to pet me because of my beard. I’ll take that trade-off.

Thanks! That was an interesting read.

They’re amazing. Sweet, sour, chewy, crunchy. The whole textural experience is great. Now I want some.

What would be the absolute worst mushroom I could find and eat, as far as effects?

Baby, you stick around long enough, you just might get to see the full set…

You’re thinking of Planet Moob. Common mistake. We’re a friendly bunch, but not much to look at.

How haven’t you encountered electrolytes? Are you still using candles?

Look at the try-hard playing paper over here.

There’s Planet N00B!

You were supposed to give it a good pounding. I need a cigarette.

This is going to be one of those chapters in future history books that makes us look like real idiots.

Thank God crocodiles didn’t learn to fly.

Scientists are saying we should hit Blade Runner territory by May.

I sincerely wish all of my messages were delivered to me by an owl holding a scroll.

And is it just an urge or does it become involuntary?

I think he always seems uncomfortable when the tables are turned. The recent appearance on The Tonight Show was another example.

Most people with good answers to that know better than to answer that.

Tempting, but I’m waiting to see whether SD cards catch on before buying in.

I’m only speaking from my own experiences in similar situations:

Is he going to leave his wife to be with you? No, he is not likely to do so.

Would you want him to leave his wife to be with you? I can’t answer for you, but I’d wager it’s a weird thought.

Is he likely to enjoy the attention/admiration and keep you on the hook to stroke his ego? You betcha.

This never ends well for the person in your position. That advice is a cliche for a reason.