I just got ghosted by the girl I was talking to, I want to find another girl to talk to. This girl and I met at the gym, but I don’t want to be the guy that goes to the gym just to meet girls. I mean sure there’s the bar and Tinder, but I want a real relationship. I mean, I guess it’ll come to me.
I’ve had my best luck when I didn’t try/wasn’t actively searching.
I hated hearing that when I was single but it seems true.
I think sometimes the smell of desperation comes off even if you don’t feel desperate and it scares people off. Whereas if you’re not looking and happen to meet someone, it’s natural and there is no desperation because you’re doing you.
Not to say you can’t still swipe on Tinder, etc.; just put more effort into doing things you enjoy and the rest comes naturally. Take pictures of yourself doing those things you enjoy to share on your dating profiles which helps in this search too. Since you want something long term, you need some common ground and hobbies/common interests are perfect for that.
If you’re into reading and post about books you’ve read, you’ll meet someone who strikes up a conversation about reading the same book. Sort of like that, is what I’m getting at.
Good luck!
38 and I still hate hearing that. I think the people that believe this just got lucky and have some survivorship bias or something.
If you’re a guy you have to do something. Women will not just walk into your life, you have to actively try to find someone. If you don’t have a circle of friends it’s exponentially more difficult (see recent man vs bear in the woods conversations) as women want absolutely nothing to do with a “strange” man (as in a stranger).
Online dating is for young people (low 20s) successful people (wealthy travelers) and the very very attractive. If you’re a “typical” guy the experience is soul crushing.
Guy in my 30’s here too. I felt the same but the last 4 relationships I’ve had over the last decade, all of them approached me. Two women at work had an interest in me and reached out to me and another came by a friend and another came from online dating, she messaged me first.
I have spent time going hard on the search and didn’t have as much luck as when I just sat back and did my own thing. I focused on my hobbies and doing what made me happy than trying to please women I was interested in and making them my top priority in hopes they would see me and want to date me.
It kind of sounds like you’re attractive then lol more power to you friend!
Yeah, I think sometimes people hear stop looking for a bf/gf and hear stop meeting people. The trick is to focus on bettering yourself and/or being happy outside of a relationship and your natural boost in confidence and value will likely get you out of your relationship slump. If you’re actively pursuing friendships with no stakes beyond genuine enjoyment, I think it does up your chances.
Also people hear stop looking for a relationship, and hear stop dating. I think it can mean just stop looking for the one. Stop looking for someone who completes you. Take your foot off the gas, be open to a shorter relationship or fling. You might be surprised what you find in a relationship when there’s no pressure for it to work. My sister and I both found our husbands in relationships we thought were definitely going to only be short term.
100%
Plus a lot of very attractive people who get lots of attention have zero clue what it’s like to be an average person who gets little to none. And they all think they ‘are just average’. Or that other people should just ‘make more of an effort’. Wealth has a lot to do with it too. Ask a welathy person for dating advice and they will just tell you go out and drop five figures out the latest fashionable designer outfits… which isn’t viable for the person of an average wealth who is only spending like a grand or two a year on clothing.
Things are privileges because you don’t know you have them. And pretty people are clueless about how they are treated and assume everyone else gets their level of interest.